Adjusting My Sails

Those who are close to me will have caught on to the fact that I've been feeling really lost lately. I've been unhappy and not quite myself. And a big portion of that has to do with my job. Without going into detail, instead of fulfilling and joyful, teaching has become almost dreadful. Which, in turn, is extremely terrifying. 

I have been working with children since I was thirteen. In 2003, I became CPR certified, made business cards and coupons, went to every door in the neighborhood leaving little babysitting packages that had my information and rates. I also managed to book my first job, and even though they left me with six kids, babysitting came naturally to me. 

In high school, I worked at the San Francisco Zoo in the Children's area for two summers. It was my job to inform the children, as well as their parents, about the animals I was holding. Also, in high school, I worked in my mother's classroom as often as I could. I would assist her in the planning, the teaching, the prepping...anything she needed, I was there. And once again, all of this felt natural. 

When college came, I wasn't completely sure that teaching was what I wanted to pursue, but as I continued, I was drawn to child development and education classes. I not only excelled in them, but thrived in that environment. 

It was only natural for me to seek out jobs that involved children and teaching. Over the course of three years, I've worked at multiple after school programs, been a teacher's assistant, taught reading intervention classes, worked with English Language Development programs, and finally secured a job as a teacher in my own classroom. It was everything I thought I wanted. 

As you can see, working with children and teaching has always been in my blood. So for me to be unhappy doing what I thought I loved is confusing. The passion for educating kids that used to burn within has dwindled. So, I've decided to take a break, in hopes that my passion will be rekindled or I find something new to be passionate about.

I have absolutely no idea which direction I want to look into, for everything outside of child care and education is beyond my expertise. And although I feel intimidated and am having a hard time figuring out where to start, I'm also excited to see what options lay ahead of me.

"I feel just like a sailboat, I don't know where I'm headed...

...but I'm not giving up, I will move on forward.

I'm gonna raise my sail, god knows what I'm headed towards."

-Ben Rector