I don't drive.
I don't know how.
Sure, I know the basics...
but that doesn't stop the crippling responsibility that comes when I'm in the driver's seat.
No, I didn't ask for your opinion.
Nor did I ask for a solution.
When you voice your fears,
do I provide unwarranted advice for how to get over it?
"You don't drive?"
Head cocked and eyebrow raised.
The judgemental stare
letting me know, without saying more, that you disapprove.
No, I didn't ask for your sanction.
Nor did I ask for your sympathy.
All I ask is that you don't look at me like an outcast,
just because
I don't drive.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Long Overdue
What do you even say after 6 months of silence? So much has happened in the time I spent away from this blog. And I'm not entirely sure where to begin.
In the past 6 months, I have taught 23 kindergarteners, turned 26, walked nearly 17 miles for a good cause, lost over 40 pounds, accepted a teaching position for the next school year, moved to Belmont, and booked a spontaneous solo trip to Portugal.
It's been a pretty incredible and emotional few months filled with many highs and lows. Who knows if I'll go back to writing every couple of weeks... or if it'll be another 6 months before I post again.
*But I can promise you that I'll have an update after my time in Lisbon. ;)
In the past 6 months, I have taught 23 kindergarteners, turned 26, walked nearly 17 miles for a good cause, lost over 40 pounds, accepted a teaching position for the next school year, moved to Belmont, and booked a spontaneous solo trip to Portugal.
It's been a pretty incredible and emotional few months filled with many highs and lows. Who knows if I'll go back to writing every couple of weeks... or if it'll be another 6 months before I post again.
*But I can promise you that I'll have an update after my time in Lisbon. ;)
Saturday, January 30, 2016
A Bee and A Bear
My anxiety is a bee. It lives in my head, constantly buzzing. Never letting me forget it's there. Just like white noise, there are times I can turn down the volume, but never enough to ignore it completely. Sometimes this bee nests in the honeycomb that is my brain. Trying to find nectar, it pokes around triggering my nervous system. Suddenly, without warning it stings. My hands shake and it's hard to breathe, but the bee continues to sting. Over and over again until I scream. Stinger finally retracted, the swelling doesn't immediately subside; I'm left a nervous wreck. As my hands steady and my breathing begins to stabilize, I go back to pretending it's normal to live with a bee.
My depression is a bear. It cuddles up next to me in the middle of the night. Just like a grown child still attached to a security blanket, there's a comfort in it's warmth. But it becomes too warm. So warm that I almost can't breathe. And when that cuddly bear decides it's hungry, the suffocating warmth is the least of my worries. Claws out, teeth bared, the depression attacks. Sometimes I can play dead, pretending to not feel it sniff my neck and growl by my ear. When I flinch and show my weaknesses, depression comes to kill. Sometimes blood is shed, wounds reopen, and I'm left with scars deeper than the ones before. But other times I can talk it down, talk it back into a hibernating state, where I can pretend that it's normal to live with a bear.
My depression is a bear. It cuddles up next to me in the middle of the night. Just like a grown child still attached to a security blanket, there's a comfort in it's warmth. But it becomes too warm. So warm that I almost can't breathe. And when that cuddly bear decides it's hungry, the suffocating warmth is the least of my worries. Claws out, teeth bared, the depression attacks. Sometimes I can play dead, pretending to not feel it sniff my neck and growl by my ear. When I flinch and show my weaknesses, depression comes to kill. Sometimes blood is shed, wounds reopen, and I'm left with scars deeper than the ones before. But other times I can talk it down, talk it back into a hibernating state, where I can pretend that it's normal to live with a bear.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Big News
You know when I said I needed a break from teaching in order to figure out what I wanted to do with my life? And remember when I said that I wanted experience doing an abundance of jobs that were not in the education field?
Well, I got a job!!
"What is it?" You may find yourself asking.
Umm....well...
I'm going to be a Kindergarten teacher.
While you all take a second to roll your eyes, hear me out.
The school I will be working for found themselves in a pickle and in need of a teacher. And because of my extensive experience in education (and my connections within the district), they hired me! It's a temporary job that will only last until the end of the school year, but I will have my very own classroom with 23 adorable little ones.
"But Cami, didn't you say..." I'm going to stop you right there.
I expect one of two things to happen during the next few months: I rediscover my love for teaching and decide it's what I want to pursue for the rest of my life or I decide that, even in the best of situations, it isn't for me, and I go my own way after completing the school year.
Either way, this was an opportunity that I couldn't turn down. Like Ted and his quest for love, I need to give this one last try and see what the universe has to say about it.
Wish me luck!
Well, I got a job!!
"What is it?" You may find yourself asking.
Umm....well...
I'm going to be a Kindergarten teacher.
While you all take a second to roll your eyes, hear me out.
The school I will be working for found themselves in a pickle and in need of a teacher. And because of my extensive experience in education (and my connections within the district), they hired me! It's a temporary job that will only last until the end of the school year, but I will have my very own classroom with 23 adorable little ones.
"But Cami, didn't you say..." I'm going to stop you right there.
I expect one of two things to happen during the next few months: I rediscover my love for teaching and decide it's what I want to pursue for the rest of my life or I decide that, even in the best of situations, it isn't for me, and I go my own way after completing the school year.
Either way, this was an opportunity that I couldn't turn down. Like Ted and his quest for love, I need to give this one last try and see what the universe has to say about it.
Wish me luck!
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